On the Edge

I see what I shouldn't see.
In that place that I shouldn't be.
Can you balance yourself midair
When you are halfway falling off the cliff.

A step ahead half hanging,
A foot back on the edge.
The lust of the fall to the ground
A hate for the old self not proud.

A wish to be wiser,
Curiosity of the unseen
To look for a place brighter.
A place where I've never been.

A greed bigger than that of money
A love deeper than for a honey.
A cliff steeper than any  skyscraper
A contract with the ripper.

A place of knowing, a place of the unknown
A root deeper than it should have grown.
A moment of freedom, a moment of death.
A moment of placing a life on bet.

A time for reflection, a time for deflection
A time for total introspection
A time for the shore, a time for the sea
A time to catch it before it's free.

The Rotting Book

I had ambition; all I have now is desperation.

My goals were larger than life, never to be real.

A dream carried on too far, nothing I ever feared.

Stories spun in my head like a child's imagination.

I thought of weaving threads through the clouds

before they could ever burst out loud.

I pictured the leaves without any branches

and gave them all the colours I wanted.

But no one wants the leaves non green

or the clouds to be tamed by a needle thin.

A beggar’s clothes must never be clean

and the world must always be cruel and mean.

I tried to push the buttons but had no luck with the current.

I picked up a pencil to draw but all I had was a damp paper.

I tried to swim but my limbs stopped moving out of panic.

My house was on fire but I merely watched it falling.

I was told as a young one that dreams make up your life.

So I dreamt like I had every chance for it to come alive.

But I wasn't warned about the possible externalities.

So here I am passing my days without any clarity.

I chose to tread on this path myself

when I had the will to walk away.

I pick up the pages falling off the shelf

of my life's book that is rotting away. 

liberated

Today I can be a flower, as colourful, as shiny from the pearly dew.
Today I can sing my songs of life as birds soaring high do.
Today I can gallop as the wind embraces me, running fast to glory.
Today I can dance to the beat of my heart as a tribe to the drum will.
Today I find solace in the depths of the ocean as an agile fish.
Today I am floating above the ground as I found the one in me.
Today I open up my layers to set free the lights within.
Today the roaring of trees sounds lower than the echo of my voice.
Today the day is bright but I feel ignited enough to light up the streets.
Today I have in grip my will to start the journey of courage within.
Today I can travel across the land to find my temple of worship.
Today is the very day to liberate myself from the world and me.

Never Too Late

Lately it feels like there is enough reason to wait
and hold your faith in life's intention to create
days of sweat that shine like diamonds
on your forehead after days of  hard work.

Your heart's throbbing anticipating the outcome.
Expecting a win when chances of loss are handsome.
In patience you wait,
for you believe in fate.
Each victory gives the path forward.
Each loss opens newer gates.

If sailors stopped looking for land
after their many a failed attempts.
If saints shook their faith
in the powers above
when their countless prayers
were left unanswered for.

What would become of their life
if the had lost their fire.
What to live for if not to fulfil
their unfulfilled desires.

Like an injured horse left with a last race.
Like an old man working at a dying age.
Gain up the courage to regain
your passion, your dreams, it's never too late.

You and Me

Before it ends and we say goodbye,
hear my words for one last time.
For you know it is not by choice,
we are together by god's voice.

I know you feel strangled
of the worries that might become
true if our world sees the struggle
that we may face once we're one.

But do they know our breath and soul
are so tied to each other,
that through pain we learn and grow
making each other better.

They say we're not the best suited
cause of the way we're rooted.
But only we have the right to decide
whether to live together, or die.

Its not easy to find a soul
as similar in thought, as pure
Cause the way you see me, you hold
a thousand promises, a world unexplored.

The first time we were together,
we knew they won't be easy to convince.
But we never cared about them then,
so why now, after all this time.

So what matters is you and me.
Our love as deep as the sea still.
So lets take this onward journey
And hold our faith in heaven's will.

Cornered

For so long I waited it to ease.
The loneliness would never cease.
For the world round keeps on turning closer
yet I feel cornered like a loner.

The wounds on my soul have been inflicted in a way
that till today they bleed.
My faults too big for them to forgive
that I have no intentions for this guilt to be freed.

To have wanted a near perfect life,
to have worked hard for the things I liked,
to have kept my hopes up to follow my dreams
was a sin, was a sin.

They think they are wise, so wise.
Their heart full of contempt, so lies.
They think their actions and words were justified.
In whose court, I ask, must not be god's, must not be god's.

With eyes drilling me from all sides
they think they can win the war with despise.
But little do they know nothing's left of my pride.
I live to fight, with hunger, keeping pain aside.

Herself

As the first teardrop fell from her eye
she was glad, tired of holding them in for a while.
It was never easy to maintain her composure for so long
but she endured it, her tears not worthy enough to all.

She was a woman of pride
which ate her conscience at times.
But never she anticipated that one day
she would lose to reality, lose her head.

Her strength was in her beauty, her brains
her mannerism, her grace.
But it all seemed to crumble the minute
she let common opinion get to her head

Someone needs to believe in her, but why
she is too strong herself.
That's what she let others believe
so that they let her be, her lonely self.

Some battles need to be fought alone
Like hers with her inner self.
She needs a place to be called her own
The seclusion of mind gives her heart rest.

Burning...

My foot on bursting lava,
it burns,it melts to the bone.
Leaving no trace of my existence
eating me through the core.

Upon being born an innocent,
hanging between life and death
had to learn the ways of a demon
surviving on blood and flesh.

Through all these years I tried
to live as I please,
to earn through my sweat and blood
but no one was convinced.

In horror of losing my dignity
I lost my integrity.
Twisted and turned what I could not justify.
I bluffed, I cheated , I lied.

I don't respect what I have become.
In retrospect I can blame no one.
Cause I chose what I did, decided what to be,
for my decisions were wrong, so was my destiny.

Hope

To wait for a brighter day of sun
when there has been a moonless night.
To wait for the rainbow to colour
the land drowned by endless rain.

To gather the withered flowers
noticing the beauty still left .
To wish at the sinking coin
for love, wealth and happiness.

To let that butterfly fly away,
hoping for it to return someday.
To fly a kite holding its thread firmly
in the vast sky full of uncertainty.

To climb a many mountains
in search of greener pastures.
To sow the seeds of hope
waiting for them to grow.

To walk a million miles
in search of a civilisation
hoping to be saved from
the wrath of a merciless terrain.

To search for a water pond
in the scorching desert heat.
To search for a cooling shade
in rows of naked trees.

To wait for someone to be able
to acknowledge the good in you.
To cherish the life as given,
wishing for your dreams to come true...

-self

Lost

When I fall down,
I find myself.
Lost in the world's glory.
Losing grip of who I am.

My reflection in the mirror

changes its appearance as often

as I try to copy the better ones

attempting to win them over.

I laugh as everybody does

more for others than for myself.

A life without a purpose

as empty as a bullet shell.

Dismayed at a life wasted

and the things I never did

my heart aches in the moment

of knowing what not I've been.

SnOwFaLL

Have felt the rain tickle,
now all I want is some snow
Seen the water puddle with ripples,
need skis, not paper boats.

That mountain seems so distant,
its peak shining as pearls aglow.
The sun rays stop the instant
they see the sparkle show.

Even with the blazing sun it melts down
turning into water so pure.
Into the streams, rivers and ocean,
hurriedly changing its course.

There all she tries is to be one
with the vast expanse of water
before being lifted by the sun
to fall back down next winter.

Destiny's powers ( Written in 2004)

In the arms of the dark woods
with a pair of handmade boots
walking through trees and bushes alone
to a place unknown.

No matter what happens to me
I should not cry or weep
cause it can make me fall in curse,
made by a witch before a thousand years.

Destiny has once again knocked at the same door
I have to fight my luck once more
I cannot explain what's happening to me
having creepy nightmares, feeling hallucinated.

If someone is curious about being reincarnated
Then share my journey from a witch to mankind.


-SELF( year 2004, age 15)

Disgraced

Like a shapeless ship, she is
drifting away,
about to sink
taking last breaths.

No one to fix the nails
on its falling boards.
Rotting from deep within,
a hole in its core.

So many waters she rode
so many lands explored.
And yet this day, the men she bore
left her to disgrace, on her own.

Is she only worth her beauty, her youth
or is she only a means to you.
The selfish being sure knows how to throw
a useless thing of worth no more.

Sure her good days were timed
but so are you destiny tied
you gave her enough to suffer
one day your fate will be like her.

Metal

This empty box of metal
my heart is.
Throw stones , throw rocks,
won't break, won't stop.
Pumping blood up and down
till I fall to the ground.

Wish it were of glass
could see through your act
Like how you falsified
pure love to a string of lies.

Whom to blame, you or I;
You, who played his usual game
Or I, for turning blindly insane.
When everyone around could see you through
here I was putting my faith in you

Now its all gone
like the desert sand
the times I cried, the tears I shed
the pain, the hurt, the being alone.

Standing on clear ground
Steel solid, brave and sound,
I lay my foundations again,
no one can bring me down...

----SELF

THE SHADY TREE

Standing in the the sunlight, I burn.
On cold nights without the sun, I shiver.
What I want , I may know now,
But it might change anytime later.

What you make of the shady tree,
does it provide shelter or does it block the warmth.
Do you ever stand under it and fancy the outside heat
Or you stand outside and think how nice it would be under it.

The rain which lets the seeds grow,
the one which quenches the thirst,
might one day wash away the crops,
might one day flood the houses .

To  live in comfort or dismay,
has to be decided by every man,
but then there is the play of circumstance
that makes mistakes, that makes amends.

-SELF